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Self exploration through Mens' Rites of Passage

1/26/2025 By: Jon Zirkle

Self exploration through Mens' Rites of Passage


"You should seriously consider doing the men's rites of passage (MROP) with Illuman someday, Jon.  If you decide to go, I'd even help make that happen," a good friend told me.  I knew in my gut that someday I'd follow through on his invitation and sign up for such a journey.  It took me about five years after that conversation, but in September of 2024, I finally went to the four-day gathering in the mountains of western Virginia.  Having been through the COVID19 pandemic, years of work stress, and finishing a seminary degree program, the timing finally felt right.  I was also hearing about the MROP experience from several guys in my life, including Mennonite Men Executive Director Steve Thomas and Mennonite Men board member and pastor Phil Schmidt. 

Jon Zirkle, center above, serves as US co-director for Mennonite Men

I had my own reservations and perhaps a bit of cynicism before going.  Would this be an over-the-top woo-woo experience or worse yet, four days loaded with one-size-fits-all portrayals of masculinity I find uncomfortable?   Turns out, my experience was neither of these things, and almost every guy I met also had questions and doubts coming into the experience. 

I didn't know anyone there when I arrived, agreed to not use my phone for our days and left work behind.  I met men from eastern Canada, Maine, Ohio, Massachusetts, D.C., North Carolina, and Alabama, representing a wide range of life experiences and faith traditions. Ranging in age from 29 to 81 years old, 49 of us came for rites of passage, and 42 who'd previously done the rites of passage were present to support the gathering and to pray for us initiates.  Yes, 90 total!  I can't recall ever being in an all-male gathering with men willing to get vulnerable, find healing, and go deep. 

Months after my MROP, I still remember the large painting displayed in the pavilion each time the full group gathered: an image of Christ hanging on the cross, eyes looking out, and a diverse depiction of others who witnessed his suffering.  As a Mennonite Christian, I'm not that used to seeing huge painted depictions of Jesus' crucifixion.  I've seen plenty of images of Jesus on the cross before, but this particular image of Jesus—naked Jesus, looking straight ahead at me—was both searing and healing. I had the time and permission to sit with the excruciating pain I could only fathom Jesus felt as his flesh tore.  Deep learnings were etched in me: suffering and pain are unavoidable.  I'm not alone on that journey.  "I see you, and you see me," it seemed he said to me. 

Like other memorable spiritual experiences I can recall in my life, the MROP was not just an individual experience.  It wasn't just about me and my personal journey.  Rather, it was other guys I met who made the biggest mark on me.  Through this four-day experience, I made friends.  Soul brothers.  We spent time in the woods together, witnessed vulnerable confessions, prayed and cried silently and aloud, participated in powerful rituals, sang, and even danced.  Every man was assigned to a smaller 'council' group of 5 or so guys, guided by a group leader.  My council was incredibly important to my experience, and we've stayed in touch after three virtual gatherings together.  I do not and will not forget these brothers.

It wasn't just about me and my personal journey.  
Rather, it was other guys I met who made the biggest mark on me.

The Illuman Men's Rites of Passage is not for everyone.  For me it was transformative and continues to help me on my faith journey and in approaching life with greater wisdom, honesty, and deep friendships.  I am left with a new sense of freedom and courage, peace about my own limitations, and more compassion for myself and from God.  I am also filled with gratitude that Mennonite Men also promotes the MROP on our website and that several Mennonites encouraged me to pursue this. 

I pray more men find the permission, resources, and experiences to grow deeper in their faith, relationships, and sense of God's belovedness.  Whether it's doing MROP, attending Mennonite Men retreats, joining or starting a men's group, or checking out our online resources for men, there many ways for me to take a next step.  


 
   
               
   

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